Recently someone invited me to attend a meeting and I replied, “I would love to go, but I can’t”. I truly did want to go to this other event, but I briefly explained that I already have another meeting every Thursday morning. If I had the opportunity, I would continue to say that this is a meeting that I absolutely love to attend and that I make a conscious decision and choice, to be there every week. I do believe where there is a will, there is a way, and with that said, there is more will to attend my standing meeting than the other. It is my free will, and I love my Thursday meetings, so I choose this way. I did share the reason I wasn’t able to attend this other meeting, because I wanted to share why, not because I was obliged to. I am a firm believer that we don’t owe anyone any explanations, for the choices we make or don’t make, but we can share a sincere, in kind decline.

On occasion, I am invited or asked to attend something that holds little or no interest to me. Whether it’s the actual event or a particular day or time, it is my conscious choice to decline. I can freely say that I can’t attend. To me, it seems very respectful and considerate to simply say, “I’m sorry, I can’t go”, vs. “I’m sorry, I won’t go”. I like to choose my words wisely and I like the words I choose. Even the phrase “no thank you” is very polite most of the time. I’ve proudly taught my children to incorporate “yes please” and “no thank you” into their vocabularies. But when “no thank you” is used as a decline, to a personal invitation to an event, vs. a simple decline for a 2nd cup of coffee, there’s definitely a difference in the energetic outcome. The phrase “no thank you” used in the decline to the personal invitation has a hint of condescension to the receiver, whereas the “no thank you” for the 2nd cup of coffee is loaded with freedom for both parties. Bring that back to “I’m sorry, I can’t go”, and this seems to hold no condescension to the receiver and the decliner is free.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I reached for the word “can’t”. Yes I just said that. But what I’m referring to is reaching for the word can’t to describe the inability to create something or be something. In this context, the word can’t is an obstacle or story that is placed there for a reason, most likely a limiting belief. If I hear my child or even a friend refer to the phrase “I can’t”, as an automatic response to give up, place obstacles where there were none, or to simply avoid something, I can’t help but to chime in.